The Memories Will Fade

I've decided that ever post I write is going to take its title from a Dashboard Confessional lyric. We'll see how long this lasts until I change my username to "Fegrodesiac".

I don't know if you guys realized it, but the MTV video music awards were held last Sunday in what appeared to be the Manhattan Jewish Community Center's grand ballroom. No seriously, did anyone actually watch the VMA's? I couldn't believe how scaled down this year's version was. Gone are the heady days of Fred Durst/X-tina Aguilera duets, Eminem giving Triumph the Insult Comic Dog the Rock Bottom, and Marilyn Manson trotting around like an androgynous LeeLoo from the Fifth Element. Instead, we were treated with the friggin' JoBros channeling Hanson, a host who bore a disturbing similarity to Boy George, and a patently unfunny opener featuring Baby Mama Spears and Jonah Hill. Even the venue was subpar--falling somewhere in between the BET awards and the Glass Slipper's center stage.

My point is, it's really sad to see things that used to mean so much to you flounder. I don't know how much of this is due to the fact that I'm like 85% of an adult now and I can't appreciate MTV anymore, and how much of it is just lack of effort on their part. What is clear to me is that the VMA's just aren't appointment television anymore. Riddle me this: Outside of Britney being all coked up and doped up last year, when's the last time the VMA's left you with something to talk about the next day? I would go as far back as 1999 when Voletta Wallace accepted a posthumous award for the Notorious one, and yelled, "Big up to Brooklyn". There was nary a dry eye in the house.

I'm talking about moments like this one from the '97 VMA's:

To me, this is the VMA's at its apex. Every award ceremony should have a moment like this--an unforgettable, singular moment that must be seen live to be enjoyed completely. This performance was equal parts heartwarming tribute, perfect musical syzygy, and Puff Daddy dancing around like a cocky asshole.

This may be upsetting to some, but I've thought of a couple other cultural institutions from my childhood that have fallen by the wayside. It may be depressing to think about the decline of the formitive events of our adolescence, but gather 'round, pour a 40 on the curb for your homies, and let's try to remember the good times:

The NBA on NBC:
Who can forget waking up early on Sunday mornings to this music and scrambling downstairs to watch Greg Kite and his Orlando Magic take on the resurgent Mt. Mutombo and his Denver (Poop) Nuggets. I think several factors converged to make this the best basketball coverage of all time:
1. The theme song was perfect. You start off with the majestic horn section while the NBC logo is drawn on a technicolor etch-a-sketch. This leads directly to that funky guitar groove that I always tried to imitate, playing air slap-bass like I was Flea. Finally, that nice mellow background that corresponded with helicoptor shots of the arena. Simply a tour-de-force. We saw faint glimpses of a return when NBC dusted off John Tesh's Roundball Rock for their coverage of Olympic basketball, but this lasted mere weeks.

2. Production Values:


Cultural allusions to in an opening montage? Pretty sweet. The best we can do now is constant plugs on TNT for "the closer", and Charles Barkley saying, "You'se a knucklehead" every 5 minutes.

3. At this time, you had (arguably) the best team of all time (da Bulls), the best player of all time (Rodman), and the best coach of all time (the Zen Master) all under one roof. Being the somewhat savvy business people that they were, NBC scheduled most of their Sunday games to be Bulls vs. some iteration of the Knicks/Pacers/Suns. (I realize that the numbers are juiced because the Bulls were always in the playoffs, but the disparity existed nonetheless.) Now, I don't have the up to date statistics, but I want to say 97% of their games featured the Bulls and Jordan doing something sweet. Be it the flu game, the shrug, or doing shit like this:



Of course, you may say that basketball's back--that we're experiencing a renaissance of talent and offensive creativity that makes the game fun to watch again. And I agree with you. However, until we can reconcile the game with its rightful intro music, it'll never be the same.

TGIF:
I'll admit it--I didn't go out until Sophomore year of high school. Do you know why? Because on Friday nights, instead of trying to make a play on that cute adopted Filipino girl from school, I was too caught up in the travails of Carl Winslow and that darn, unpredictable Urkel Bot. To make a middle schooler ignore his primal urges to mate with one of his own--that's some pretty potent stuff.

At its pinnacle, TGIF boasted a lineup of Family Matters, Step-By-Step, Boy Meets World, AND Hanging with Mr. Cooper. Think of how many cultural icons were made during those 2 hours ever week. It's easy to cite Urkel and Pheeny and the other marquee names from those shows. But these casts also had surprising depth. Like Mark, that poindexter kid from Step-By-Step who I wanted to break over my knee. Or that Vietnamese basketball player in Hanging with Mr. Cooper who may or may not have been Rufio. Edit: On closer examination, he definitely was--Count it!.

OK, so maybe these shows were a little one dimensional, and relied a little too heavily on catch phrase spewing drones (Jaleel, I'm looking your way), but this was my fucking life, man. Watching Boy Meets World, who didn't think their life was going to turn out like this:



What, you didn't think you were going to marry that slightly chubby girl that you've grown up with and always loved? That you were going to spend every day of their entire life with the same 4 people? Or that there weren't Bulk and Skull wannabe's like Frankie Stechino and Joey the rat lurking around every corner of your high school? Obviously you did. You bought into it wholeheartedly, or else the gasps heard when Topanga broke up with Cory couldn't be so fucking audible:



I love this clip because I can imagine all the tweeny girls that were absoultely SHATTERED by this news. Regardless, the fact of the matter is that these shows meant something. Now ABC's showing "I made out with a Japanese Game Show host" or whatever the hell on Friday nights.

I guess I'm just slightly worried because these things were the foundations of our collective personalities in high school. Once events like the VMA's and TGIF start to collapse, how else are we supposed to relate to each other? Through compassion and actual intimate conversation? Unlikely. Maybe I can stay ahead of the curve and bone up on my Slamball knowledge so I can shoot the shit with some Gen Z'ers.