Body Movin'

Good hip-hop albums take a long time to produce. This could be a function of the intricacy of the lyrics which have been equated to developing organic chemistries (cuz I've been in the lab with a pen and a pad) and saving human lives (Lil Wayne's Dr. Carter). It could be that there is a behind the scenes legal battle that prevents certain songs from being sampled (unlikely, considering girltalk makes a killing doing this). I think this hip-hop hiatus between albums serves as a platform for building desire within the fan base. Once there is an insatiable urge to hear the musings of a lyrical savant, the album is introduced and thrust forth into the platinum pantheon. The godfather of this art is Dr. Dre. I've always respected him for the one album he puts out every 7-8 years (overlooking the Aftermath tragedy) and the way he is hailed as a blunt smoking mogul. Well it's been about 9 years since his album 2001 dropped and the Dr. is ready to prescribe his next great anecdote so appropriately named Detox. His Interscope pal and protege, Eminem, is also unveiling his newest project, King Mathers, this fall.

The most juxtaposed pairing in hip-hop history (black dude from Compton, white guy from Detroit) has found itself at the very antipodes of the anatomical world during the time between albums. Dre has always been known as the producing genius with flaccid arms and a penchant for the carnival like baseline and Eminem has been the archetype of a "hard" problem child who's more concerned with degrading his oft-abused girlfriend than providing for his bastard child. I hated Eminem so vehemently in the 7th grade that I convinced myself that I could actually beat him up after one of my female classmates commented on the "girth" of my biceps. Now the only time I think about girth and Eminem in the same thought is when I'm going face first into a bowl of Arby's curly fries. That's right, the fetal twat with impeccable enunciation is a grade A porker. I haven't seen jowls like that since Goldberg got his wisdom teeth out. He's gonna have to call his tour Marshall Fatters Worldwide. Dre has also seen a change in his physique, and is looking a lot more like the other Goldberg than a wet noodle. His new album would be more aptly named Negrodonnis or Anabolic Cannabis. At least these rappers chose the fate of their bodies. Get better regulator.

In other hip hop news R. Kelly has cemented himself as the CROAT (creepiest rapper of all time) after an interview with BET. Unfortunately, the interview has been removed from Youtube but the gist of it was:

Interviewer "Do you like teenage girls?"
R. Kelly: "How old are we talking. 19, I have a lot of 19 year old friends yea. I don't like nothing under 19, nothing illegal."

Funkmaster flex ain't too happy about it.

I think I've been underrating T.I. as a rapper and an entertainer. This is mostly because he looked like a prepubescent version of Master Splinter at spring fling a few years ago and I got stomped out by the crowd around the stage during his performance. This week he made a cameo on Entourage as one of Ari's clients, but it's this guilty pleasure of mine that is really making me rethink T.I. Admit it, you like it. And if you don't then at least appreciate how he out raps Kanye, Lil Wayne, and Hova on their new hit swagger like us.