We are the Chumpions

Conventional wisdom suggests that defending a title in professional sports is the most difficult of encore gigs. Teams inevitably come down from that winner's high with superstars finally shedding that "best to never win a ship" stigma and role players rejoicing over local college delis naming signature sandwiches after them. It's like when Ben Gibbard pulls out the acoustic at the end of a Death Cab show and plays I Will Follow you Into the Dark.



Your body experiences a tremendous relief as you slip into an ethereal trance and become complacent after what has just transpired. Oh wait, that's just me being a fego. Either way, when the entire league is running for your jewels it's hard to defend. But not in basketball. Since 1986 there have been 9 instances in which the NBA champion was simply readjusting the Larry O'Brien trophy on its own mantle. That's nearly coin flip odds that the Champ will retain the belt and that discounts the Merlin led Spurs squads that decided winning on odd years would be oh so posh. That should make me feel pretty good about my boys in green launching another parade on the Pru, but dismissing statistical wisdom, I don't. The Celtics are in the midst of a 2-6 (Note:2-7 after the Cavs loss, but this post was made before that) slide that includes losses to the dysfunctional Knicks, heartless Warriors, and anemic Bobcats as well as lessthanquality blowouts over the Wizards and the Sacramento Queens. With a game between the eastern conference's new poster child, the Cavs, tonight here are some things Boston must do to right the ship to eventually keep the 'ship.

How could you be so Defenseless?

During the Celts 19 game win streak (which I'll address in my next Scottie Pippen post) they were holding teams to a paltry 40% shooting and outrebounding opponents like a cracked out Shawn Kemp. After removing his Hannibal Lecter mask and being allowed to address the media, KG was adamant that the championship lull wouldn't affect the C's because they were a team predicated on leadership, defense, and intensity. It's true, the Celtics were feeding off of their superstar and playing great team defense, forcing teams to beat them with their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th options. Take a look at the leading scorers of the other team in the six recent losses: Kobe(27), Cap'n Jack (28), Steve Blake (21), Wilson Chandler (31), Ray Felton (25), and Yao (26). With the exception of Blake (Roy hurt Aldridge (20)) and a Mike D'Antoni philosophy that doesn't discriminate against point distribution, these are the scorers that the teams want to run their offense through. Other teams are getting the ball to who they want when they want to and these guys are beating us. Granted these numbers are a little flawed because it was actually Gasol and Augustin who torched the C's in their respective games, but the point is that the Celtics have lost their greatest advantage, their relentless D. In order to re-establish their swagger there needs to be more on court communication. They're missing switches by overplaying on the pick and roll leading to easy dunks for big men. Also when is KG gonna step up and guard the best big on the other team? Perk is like Kimbo Slice, sans beard, and hides the technical flaws in his game with pretty knockouts (1.8 BPG) and his giant traps.



With the age factor slowly becoming more predominant I expect defensive issues to plague the Celts for the entirety of the playoffs.

Second Half Slacking

Celtic's announcer Mike Gorman pointed out that during the winning streak the Celtics dominated the third quarter. It's probably the only intelligent point that any Celtics booth guy has ever made so I decided to check it out. The Celts outscored their opponents in the third by a +6.5 margin during the streak and are getting outscored by a -3.3 margin in the six losses. That 10 point difference would have earned them the win in all but one game. So why is this happening now? In all the games I've watched the Celts have either run into a streaky shooter or just fallen into long droughts devoid of scoring. During the losing they've also been outscored by an average of 6 points in the fourth, a product of players not being able to create their own shot or settling for turn around jumpers. Which leads me to my next concern...

Rondo Factor

More like non-factor. Rondo let all of the All-Star worthy press go to his head and punched his ticket to Phoenix a little prematurely. The Fat Lever comparisons have given way to Fat Albert, oh wait wrong Celtic, and he's playing with less self-esteem than a girl Reptile would hook up with. Instead of setting the tempo by pushing the ball down court after made buckets and long rebounds he's settling for a half court offense that looks like this with corresponding time on the shot clock included.

(:22) Walk ball over court and call out a play
(:19) Force ball into Garnett
(:16) Get ball from Garnett and scurry across the baseline
(:13) Throw ball to Pierce at top of key
(:09) Get ball from Pierce and force into a more out of position KG
(:03) KG fadeaway
(:01) BRICK

Listen Rajon, I love how you and Cassell could make up the greatest extra terrestrial backcourt of all-time, but it's time to come back down to earth and start getting to the bucket. If you're wide open shoot the damn ball and don't be afraid to go to the foul line. Don't let Doc bully you around anymore.

Doc "Poop" Brown and the Farty McFlies

It's beginning to feel like Doc has hopped in the Delorean, juice it up to 88 mph, and now we're "seeing some serious shit".



Doc has started his puppetmaster routine where he micromanages the game, yanking around minutes and crushing people's confidence. At least Big Baby has cemented himself as one of the least productive player's in the league to get 15 minutes a night! The prime example was the Rockets game that Mahktar and I attended the other night. Up by 3 coming into the fourth Doc decided that resting 3/4 of the big 3 featuring Rajon Rondo for the first five minutes would help make the game more competitive. The Rockets went on a signature run and pretty much closed the door until Startest fouled out to give us one last hope that was dashed by Vonilla Wafer. Doc doesn't have much to turn to in the bench right now and we're finally starting to feel the effects of Scal getting 5-10 minutes of burn a night in hopes of notching a trillion. Hopefully Doc gets the recipe right tonight and understands that this is as must win as midway season games get.

The King and his Cavs

So now that I'm depressed about our chances tonight and the lingering prospect of LeBron dropping 70 on us, I want to discuss the legitimacy of this Cavs team. I was lucky enough to go to opening night this year when the Celts smote King Bron and his foot soldiers and noticed a few things. The first is that Mo Williams is a crazy good shooter and will knock down anything from 15 feet and out consistently. He is undersized and only plays average defense, but he is definitely a new toy for LeBron. Delonte West is an above average shooter and floor general and can stand in as point guard or knock down a three when called upon. He may have the lowest IQ in the entire NBA, but his basketball knack is uncanny.



Before I start jacking these guys off I want to point out one scarlet letter of a stat. The Cavs are 1-3 vs. the top 4 teams in the east. They have lost to Boston, Detroit, and Atlanta and have yet to play the Dwight Howards. The Cavs are also 18-0 at home and rely heavily on this advantage. They've beaten most of the teams they should aside from the "Crab Dribble" game and I think the jury is still out on whether or not they can put it all together come June. Of course when everything is failing they hold the almighty trump card in LeBron and all those Cavs haters should check out this stat. Since 1990, the MVP of the league has played in the finals 11 times. That's over 60% of the time and includes the Steve Nash heists. Assuming LeBron continues this season as the most productive EVER it's safe to say the award is his. Yes I am scurred, but I still think the C's have a shot to upstage the Cavs tonight to stop the hemorrhaging. As for a seven game series, we might be settling for the chumpionship as the King takes his place on his throne.