A Mixed Bag of Tricks

If you're like many Americans, you'll always remember where you were and what you were doing around noon on January 20, 2009. It's rare that a tell-your-children moment resonates through the country with such overtones of hope and promise. The last time I was overtaken by a raw boost of national energy that wasn't in the wake of a tragedy Mark McGwire almost missed first base. While that exchange of emotions didn't work out so well, we're not here to "talk about the past." I myself am not much for politics because of its polarizing nature, but I can confidently say that Obama takes over the office with the potential to be one of the greatest leaders of our generation in a time where our country is desperately seeking any modicum of direction. Here at Fegonomics we respek the eloquent man but immortalize the black man doing his thing while simultaneously being cool (or so we hope) and invested in sports. Much has been made about Obama and his cabinet's low post skills and his "yes we can" stance on a college football playoff so I won't beat these facts into a more hackneyed submission. Instead I'd like to pay tribute to Mr. 44 with a list of the greatest mixed athletes of all-time. Once the parquet is finally laid at the White House, President Obama may even stand a chance of cracking the top 10 here, but until then let the white-black violin begin.

Jammin (Nod Ya Head) (Clean) - Black Violin

Honorable Mention: John Amaechi, Tony Gonzalez, David Justice, and Rosario Dawson (He Got Game sex scene)

10. James Blake - I don't really know that much about this dude except that he beat my favorite tennis player Roger Federer in the Olympics and is about as Americana as an athlete gets and frankly isn't that what this post is all about! I remember seeing a profile on Outside the Lines of the "Tiger Woods of tennis" and it wasn't about Blake but rather this guy. Since Young isn't a halfie the honor goes to Blake.

9. Jarome Iginla - I know what you're thinking "who gives a shit about hockey" and I totally agree that hockey has lost its edge since they stopped highlighting the puck inthe all-star game and allowed the foxtrax technology to go by the wayside. Either way, I'm still enamored by some of the blood spewing fight graphics in Wayne Gretzky 64 and any man that can garner enough fandom to get his own song deserves to be on this list. If Jarome was piledriving one of Sean Avery's exes I'd have him about 4 spots higher.



8. Tahj Mowry - A precocious erudite with limitless knowledge of string theory, space time, and quantum physics doesn't seem like a contender for this list, but consider his competition. 1. The Famous Jett Jackson is some 15 shades darker than I remembered from his Silverstone days even though he and his sea green eyes did lead Florida to a national championship he is disqualified on pigmentation conspiracy theory. 2. Had Halle Berry been the one fellating the cracker in Swordfish her appearance on this list would be based on the Heather Brooke Scale (NSFW). Mowry, currently 22, has had a penchant for seeing double his entire life. Born the younger brother of one of TV's favorite sitcom duos, this two sport varsity athlete in basketball and football knows what it takes to perform in the clutch. I'm still not convinced that his athletic accolades tower above his roles as TJ Henderson and Michelle Tanner's little twat best friend Teddy, but the kid's got game and an Italian dad, so he's in.

7. Hines Ward - The only guy on this list who plays in a stadium that is a homonym of his name, Hines Ward is known league wide as the consummate gentleman. The first Afro-Asian in the top 10, he inherited his congenial behavior from his Korean mother. If that's the case it must be his father's genes that led to his shortening of Ed Reed's spinal column and this ragdoll physics collision. Hines will probably break the 10,000 yard/800 reception/80 TD plateau next year putting him in pretty exclusive company, but it may take another 12 years in the league before he ever approximates anything close to this.



6. Jason Kidd - Half man half pitbull, this guy is straight up ugly. I mean his son had a prominent dirt lip by the age of 3! Maybe the caterpillar lip comes from ex wife Joumana, who used to notoriously kick the crap out of Kidd, who knows. When he wasn't spending his time getting bitch slapped in bathtubs, this guy could straight up ball. Known for honing his skills on the streets of Oakland, Kidd used to improve his passing accuracy by targeting windows on a building and narrowly throwing the ball above them to not shatter the glass. Although his offensive efficiency has always been questioned (career 40% shooter) he's one of the best distributors of our time and checks in at 3rd all-time in triple doubles with now over 100. The post Dallas trade J-Kidd has been the defensive liability everyone imagined, but any man who led a team with semi pooper-stars Keith Van Horn and Kenyon Martin to two straight NBA finals and has a sweet Tupac Mix gets my seal of approval.



5. The Rock - There are at least two other contributors on this blog that could probably write a 10,000 word synopsis of the Rock's plight from WWF champion to C-list celebrity, but that ain't me. What I've always loved about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was his ability to electrify a stadium with his charismatic mic presence and ever climbing eyebrow. He was one of the few wrestlers to have two signature moves and the only one featured in two versions of the Mummy. What some people might not know was that he played DT at the U and was actually a pretty good player. Aside from his rivalry with my favorite wrestler Austin 3:16, the Brahma Bull should forever be remembered for one of the greatest matches of all time....

Part 1


Part 2


4. Shane Falco - He can surf, he's a lefty, and chicks dig scars. What more can I say?



3. Derek Jeter - The captain and heartthrob of the Evil Empire, Derek Jeter is one of the most recognizable athletes in the country. Much acclaim has been given to his on the field accomplishments such as the 4 World Series rings, .316 career BA, and this play, but I think it's his off the field pursuits and pursuers that make Jeter such a lofty contributor to the mixed community. It recently came out in a book co-authored by Joe Torre called The Yankee Years that A-Rod has what amounts to a Man Crush on Jeter. I don't know if this means he gets wood beneath his jockstrap when Jeter undresses next to him or if he's jealous of the spotlight cast on him by the NY media. Either way, I have to jump on any chance to queue up A-Rod as a homo. Jeter has quite the track record of celebrity hookups from Scarlett Johannson and Vanessa Minnillo to the more recent rumors of everyone's favorite sweet heart gone skank Minka Kelly. But the most intriguing of all the starlets has to be Mariah Carey. This was the alpha couple of mixed relationships that could have reinvented the WB/WB genre and Mariah threw it away so she could learn the krump'd out choreography at the end of Drumline. That's a fucking shame.

2. Charles Barkley - Here's an anecdote from my childhood. As many of you know I grew up in Houston, Texas idolizing the Rockets and Hakeem Olajuwon. Back in the early 90's the Rockets and Suns always ended up meeting in the playoffs and I would sing "I Just Can't Wait to be King" every time Barkley went to the free throw line to distract him, and more often than not it worked. It think I was 6 or 7 years old when I was over one of my friend's houses watching a game and I turned to him and said, "Barkley is one of the best white players in the world." This incited some serious laughter from my friend's dad who went on to explain to me that Barkley was in fact black. (You have to understand that Barkley's skin tone is the exact shade as mine when I'm tan, and living in Texas I was perpetually tan.) Thereore, combining my original perception and the truth, Barkley ekes his way onto this list. Barkley is simply a freak, too unique to compare to any wishy washy Paul Milsap or other undersized PF. Barkley was Jordan's height and grabbed about 12 RPG for his career. Unfortunately, Sir Charles will be MIA from TNT for the next few months as he clears up his BJ riddled DUI charges. Just fucking enjoy this knuckleheads.



1. Tiger Woods - Currently standing as the richest and most successful athlete on the planet it only makes sense that the half Thai half African American Woods graces the top of this countdown. Not only is he my second favorite athlete ever, he stands as a true ambassador to his sport, much like Obama to our country. (Although the Fegonomist informs me that Tiger's public speaking at the inauguration was abysmal) Name it and Tiger has done it. Had kids with a smoking hot Swedish nanny, check. Made incredible chip ins and putts on the back 9 of the final round of a major, check and check. Been selected number 1 in the Racial Draft, fo shizzle. Made millions of kids want to learn how to juggle the pill on their club and smack it 200 yards, dunzo. Farted on live TV, hells ya.



Listen, Tiger won a US Open with a torn ACL and is only 4 major victories away from tying the Golden Bear as the best ever. I have a few Tiger Wheaties boxes and even attempted to Photoshop my face onto Tiger's on this ESPN the mag cover in a class once. Dammit I love Tiger, and you should too.