Meta Freak
Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt
People like Usain Bolt make this column easy to write. Not only did he easily win the 100m and 200m World championships, but he utterly eviscerated world records that he himself had previously set. Bolt's destruction of the 100m world record was the largest improvement in the mark in history. To help you conceptualize how crazy a feat this was, here's a chart that I merced from some other website (with some value added of my own):
That line indicates biostatisticians' projection of the progression of the 100m world record time. Bolt's record hadn't been projected until the turn of the next century. Pre-Bolt, researchers calculated the "Ultimate Record" (i.e. the fastest humanly possible time) for the 100m as 9.44 seconds. Given the drastic revisions of the record books in the past 2 years, it is clear that Usain is forcing us to reevaluate what the limits of human speed are.
In a similar vein, Usain Bolt's success goes completely counter to all previous concepts of the prototypical sprinter. In the past, it was believed that shorter was better for sprinters. Generally, there is a inverse relationship between the muscle speed and size. Small guys like rodents and Nate Robinson have lots of fast twitch fibers that enable them to accelerate quickly at the expense of long distance top speed.
Bolt, on the other hand, blends the fast twitch capabilities of a mighty mouse with the biomechinical efficiencies that come with his 6'4" frame. This is the very definition of a freak--someone who can have his cake and eat it, too; defying commonly held conventions of biology to be purely built for speed.
Perhaps I'm a little jaded, or perhaps I've just learned how to be a more discerning customer, but I can't get all the way behind Bolt. In the past decade, we've come to realize that if something seems too good to be true, and records don't seem real...they're usually not. That being said, I hope beyond all hope that Bolt is clean. He is first team all-Kevin Garnett because he shows us that anything is possiibbllllleeeee(also because he rill rill dark)--a beacon of light in the increasingly dark and sinister world of sports. Not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need.
Foodie Freak
Casey Thompson
I realize that Dream and Earnest are perhaps the only ones who will appreciate this pick, but allow me to explain myself. Top Chef returned with a vengeance this week, ram jamming viewers with 3 straight hours of new content, between the Top Chef: Vegas premiere and the finale of Top Chef: Masters. As of this writing the finale hasn't aired, but I think the smart money is on Hubert Keller to take home the gold in Masters, though Rick (Brother of Meta Fego (NSFW, Basically Porn), Skip) Bayless could surprise with by cooking within his comfort zone.
Oh, you guys still don't give a shit? Aight, aight. All this Top Chef talk is really just a front to showcase cha girl Casey Thompson. Not only is Casey head and shoulders(that's a dude!) above the competition as the hottest woman ever on Top Chef, but she was a final episode meltdown away from being the first woman to win the competition. Admittedly, this is pure speculation, but she looks like she could inhale my lightswitch, as well.
With her obvious physical and culinary gifts, some Heather Brooke level skill with the skin flute might vault her up to the #1 ranked prospect in the land. Can you imagine an HB 8.5 like her taking all of your 1.5 inch tower of power while you're scarfing down duck sous vide? I'm getting wet just thinking about it. One more for the road....
I realize that Dream and Earnest are perhaps the only ones who will appreciate this pick, but allow me to explain myself. Top Chef returned with a vengeance this week, ram jamming viewers with 3 straight hours of new content, between the Top Chef: Vegas premiere and the finale of Top Chef: Masters. As of this writing the finale hasn't aired, but I think the smart money is on Hubert Keller to take home the gold in Masters, though Rick (Brother of Meta Fego (NSFW, Basically Porn), Skip) Bayless could surprise with by cooking within his comfort zone.
Oh, you guys still don't give a shit? Aight, aight. All this Top Chef talk is really just a front to showcase cha girl Casey Thompson. Not only is Casey head and shoulders(that's a dude!) above the competition as the hottest woman ever on Top Chef, but she was a final episode meltdown away from being the first woman to win the competition. Admittedly, this is pure speculation, but she looks like she could inhale my lightswitch, as well.
With her obvious physical and culinary gifts, some Heather Brooke level skill with the skin flute might vault her up to the #1 ranked prospect in the land. Can you imagine an HB 8.5 like her taking all of your 1.5 inch tower of power while you're scarfing down duck sous vide? I'm getting wet just thinking about it. One more for the road....
Classic Freak
George Best
George Best
I'm sure LNW will approve.
Alright, so Best has been dead for 5 years, so there's not a ton of justification for this choice. If you really want to know, I was trying to watch one of my favorite youtube mixtapes, the George Best "Ordinary World" clip, when I realized that the audio had been replaced with "My Immortal" by Evanescence due to copyright concerns. Stuff like that pisses me off, so I stuck it to the man and employed my D- iMovie skills to remake the video with the original audio. What we have here is a fitting tribute (that I basically plagiarized) to the man for whom they used to say, "Maradona good; Pele better; George Best."
You're damn right I approve. Before I launch in, let me clear my throat (uh huh, uh huh)...
ReplyDeleteGeorge Best really deserves a post all his own. Not that a mere blog post would BEGIN to do him justice. Countless articles, songs, and tomes have been written about him. If you are at all intrigued by that video--which has got to be one of the best mix tapes on youtube, based on both content and cinematic merit--or by my comments here, I absolutely recommend "Bestie," George's autobiography with co-writer Joe Lovejoy. It's well worth the read.
I first heard about George Best in 2006. I was watching the World Cup and heard some of the commentators talking about the best performances in tournament history. At one point, one of them said something to the effect of, "You know what the real tragedy is? We never got to see what George Best could do in a World Cup game."
This piqued my curiosity. Who was this George Best? I began poking around on the internet. Eventually, I found not only that video, but hundreds of other pictures, stories, and anecdotes involving Best. He's on virtually every list of the best soccer players of all-time. When Best died in 2005, he received tributes from some of the all-time greats, including Argentina's Diego Maradona ("His magic was my inspiration"), Holland's Johan Cruyff ("What he had was unique"), and Brazil's Pele ("I often mentioned George Best as the best player in Europe"). Many would argue Pele doesn't go far enough.
For an American sports fan unfamiliar with Best, there is an outstanding analog: Mickey Mantle. George Best was basically soccer's Mickey Mantle, only perhaps more so. He was a prodigy with enormous physical gifts. While Mantle made the Yankees in 1951 as a 19 year old, Best made his first team debut with Manchester United at only 17. Both teams were championship clubs. To make either roster as a teenager was truly incredible.
Like Mantle, Best took hold quickly, and by the time he was 20, he was United's biggest star. In 1966, he scored two goals against Benfica in the mythic Estadio da Luz to seal one of the biggest victories in United's long history.
Mantle was from Commerce, a small town in rural Oklahoma. He had never been to a big city and was quickly overwhelmed by New York. Likewise, Best was from provincial Belfast in Northern Ireland. He grew up in poverty and had never left the city until he came to England at age 15. He was, by all accounts, a shy boy who grew homesick for his family and native land. In fact, the first time United recruited him, Best was so taken aback by the big city that he turned around and went back to Belfast.
This attitude changed gradually at first and then with amazing speed. Like Mantle, Best was celebrated not only for his amazing talent, but also his youth and good looks. After the game against Benfica, the Portuguese pressed dubbed Best "El Beatle," which the English pressed adopted as "the fifth Beatle." His popularity throughout the UK and abroad was unprecedented for a soccer star.
You know how David Beckham and Christiano Ronaldo are worldwide icons as much as they are soccer players? That started with George Best. A soccer player had never crossed over into celebrity to that extent until Best arrived on the scene.
Mantle quickly fell in with a bad crowd, including the Yankees' hard-drinking second baseman, Billy Martin. Best took to hanging around with club promoters, bookies, and other players in the London nightlife. His running mate was Mike Summerbee, a player for Manchester City, who also had a penchant for carousing.
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Both Mantle and Best had leg injuries that threatened their careers. Both eventually succumbed to temptations and descended into alcoholism. Both were serial philanderers. The difference is that, while Mantle was able to overcome his dependence enough to have an 18 year career, Best's glorious career with United lasted only 10 years. When he finally left the team, in 1974, he was only 27 years old and should've been in his prime. Instead, he was a shell of his former self, hollowed out by drinking and drug use. He led the club in scoring for six consecutive seasons and was named European Footballer of the Year in 1968.
ReplyDeleteBest played for soccer for another decade, moving from team to team, parlaying his reputation and ability to draw fans. The sad thing is, when he actually sobered up, he was still truly formidable despite being dreadfully out of shape. Even after years of deterioration, he managed to score some magical goals, as you can see in that video.
Best regarded his Northern Ireland heritage as both a blessing and a curse. While he was a proud and beloved son of his country, he was prevented from playing for England or Ireland in the World Cup, which was his greatest regret. Finally, when Northern Ireland qualified for the Cup in 1982, Best was nearly given a spot on the roster as a tribute to all he had done. Sadly, however, he was too far gone and had to be left off.
Mickey Mantle, during his life and especially since his death, inspired lyrical paeans and glowing tributes. Bob Costas and Billy Crystal are self-avowed acolytes in the Church of the Mick. Trust me when I say that this pales in comparison with the outpouring of love elicited by Best. He remains so popular in Northern Ireland that, upon his death, the Belfast City Airport was renamed George Best Belfast City Airport. His funeral was attended by over 100,000 people. The city of Belfast has a population of 267,500.
Both Best and Mantle occupy a unique place within their sport. Both occupy a unique place within their country. Both are tragic figures in the sense that many believe they had the talent to be the best of all-time. Both were too good too young. Both were undone, to some extent, by their own celebrity.
If you've read all this, I really recommend "Bestie." It's a terrific read and will give you a greater understanding of George Best's amazing and enduring appeal.
Where's the Casey Thompson slideshow set to "Get Low" by Lil John? W-O-W waaaaaaaaaaow
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