Approximately 400 years ago, Samuel de Champlain sailed the ocean blue and discovered what was to become Lake Champlain, the body of water bordering the "Get Em High" cannabiscentric zone of Burlington, VT. A few weeks ago, Burlington hosted a massive 400th Birthday Celebration by the waterfront, with love, peace, and shartastic cremees galore. My long time friend who we shall call Steve Urkel, happened to attend the festivities. Now the codename Urkel actually suits my friend quite well; a gangly genius lurking behind glasses, his potential only limited by his socially prepubescent mind and tendency to get overwhelmed by the mere smell of estrogen Vonwafering through the air. Think 5th grade dinky dink boners from watching Honey for the first time.
Me and Urkel met at a music bar for Reggaeton Night last week (the Nigerian Nightmares came out in droves) and he told me he had been working on meeting chicks, thus his reason for going to the waterfront celebration. There he stroke up a conversation with a (supposedly) lovely female. Either someone was subliming shrooms into the air, or perhaps Urkel had brushed up on his agragrian precapitalist economic modalities in the southern colonies, but sparks flew, and they brought their conversation to a nearby club. They proceeded to get Xtina Dirty (this is the part where Urkel leans over to me and whispers, " I cupped her breasts and my penis got really stiff"), but the night ended with them only exchanging numbers.
Flash forward to next morning, Urkel's cell rings, and it's the woman.
She asks, "What are you doing?"
He replies, "Just taking a nap."
She says, "Would like to take a nap at my place?"
He rushes over (forgets the condom), perform the mattress mambo (she has a spare), but the kicker came at the end, when she tells Urkel, "Hey this was fun, but I gotta go now because I have to pick up my 4 year old son." Congratulations Stephon Urquel on bagging a fresh-on-the-market 39 yr old mom! A special thanks to Sammy C. for all his weary sea traveling and eradicating the Abenaki with small pox.
And now on to the look-a-likes!
Ah today we have triplets! This one comes courtesy of Dream. The fellow on the right is 2008 WSOP main event champ Peter Eastgate, dethroning crybaby Hellmuth as the youngest player to win it all. If I had a clone like that, you know a wife swap (1:30) would be in order sometime in the future.
This is a personal favorite. This girl lived down the hall from me and Dream during our fetal years as frosh. Throw in Jar Jar, some alien aztec-rubbed meat from the dining halls, a sprinkling of DDR, and we had our own fucking sci-fi show of Space Cases going on. A genuine stunner and intellectual person to say the least, she probably embodied more classy Natalie than sassy Natalie.BONUS!!!!!
You can still see the strings if you look hard enough.
What level of milf was this? India Summer milf (Demi Moore-type)? Brenda James milf (crazy eyes)? Diane Lane milf (bathroom banger)? I want more details.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you are either underselling the merchandise with that picture, or you had some serious Tufts blinders on freshman year, cause that girl looks more stoned than stone-cold fox. Do Natalie justice with another picture.
ReplyDeleteSecond, has anyone held it together better than Mariah Carey over the years? Not mentally or emotionally, obviously, cause she's trainwreck, I'm talking just the bod. Lordy lord, she's pushing 40 and hasn't aged in 15 years. I don't know who to thank--Botox, plastic surgery, or Satan--but somebody deserves some serious cred for keeping that chassis intact.