One day I was casually watching "the Answer" play haplessly off-kilter in Detroit, looking like he could've used a Phone-A-Friend, when an epiphany struck me that there was also a Curtis Jackson Jr. doin' work on the court. I noticed the uncanny resemblance of Rodney Stuckey and Fifty Cent for the first time, and suddenly my freshmen All-look-same dabbling experiences returned in a rush. I've always been fascinated by the physical similarities between different people, considering that we, as humans, were built with the genetic capability to diversify the population. And yet with even with all the freaks of nature (sorry, infringing on Freaks of the Week copyright) that exemplify this genetic uniqueness, nature's randomness still manages to churn out several individuals who are indistinguishable from each other: society dubs them "Look-a-likes."
The great thing about look-a-likes is that they are as prevalent as Travis Henry's children. Every person we've ever encountered has at one point been anointed with an an alternate alias, in reference to a celebrity/athlete/sludge monster. It occurs so frequently that even I myself sometimes fall into the Parent Trap Syndrome, where I can't tell one Lohan from the other (SFW but you will get an insta-chode). The general public's desire to raise themselves up from a plebian existence, to even be remotely similar in looks/style and be recognized because of it, can be witnessed just about anywhere. Needless to say that there are a plethora of lookalike sites already floating about the web, but I wanted to bring this back to a personal level. How many times have you been roaming the lines at Dewick, sharting your pants in anticipation for the Vanilla/Choco Twist, when you spotted the girl that looks like Natalie Portman? The Ivan Drago in the gym? Biggie Smalls and her Big Juicy arms swaying to Olin? The Gila Monster slithering around town? You know you've had those moments. And wouldn't it be convenient to collect them all in one place?
Our first sample here compares the seductive CJ from Real World Cancun, and a well-known icon of the disc-throwing community. Wonder why your neck's so sore, huh guy?
(answer: sucking cock).
On a side note, when I realized they were in Cancun, I couldn't fathom why this location hadn't already been done. Hmm let's see. Sloots (NSFW)? Check. Obscene amounts of alcohol? Check. Dirty Sanchezes? Check. It really trumps every other location for the modern-Real World era in terms of potential rowdiness. OR MTV could do a tranny rehash season in the shittiest part of NYC:
Chet: I want to apply to be host of TRL.
MTV Director: TRL is already canceled. You know this show is already on MTV, right?
Chet: ....KATELYN'S A DUDE!
Going along with the RW theme:
Jonna is perhaps the lowest common denominator of the "Bang Bus-able" females that have passed through this show. But hey, if she ever says she wants an Asian Lightswitch, just paint on a couple of dark bruises and we're set to go.
BONUS LOOK-A-LIKE!!!!!
BUT WAIT! Besides both being Jumbo-AzNs and former lax enforcers, they both possess impeccable dress sense and velvety hair. I'm probably one step from being in the center of a bukkake/circle jerk after putting this picture together.
The crazy thing is how often this happens. At any given time, there are three or four bona fide doppelgangers running around the city, threatening to body-snatch the shit out of you. Although sometimes having two isn't a bad thing (http://thechive.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/a-look-alike-celebrities-stars-7.jpg).
ReplyDeleteMakhtar and Coolbaugh, I'm looking at you.
True Story: I Saw my doppelganger at the movie theater today. I tried to make eye contact to say "sup" to him, but he avoided my gaze. He was probably too embarrassed, knowing that in mere minutes we'd both be watching a Rube Goldberg dildo apparatus smash some guy from behind.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've heard the Zooey/Katy comparison before, and while I kind of see it, I think their respective attractiveness is based on different factors. Both are certainly quirky and are great singers (something I find more impressive for Zooey, but that's my bias showing). However, my attraction to Katy Perry stems strictly from her ginormous Tiggas and propensity to kiss other girls and like it. For this reason, I really can't put her on a pedestal like I do with Zooey. Also, unlike Zooey, whose singing gives me a Music Boner, I can't help but think of a one Phallus Cooper when I hear any song by Katy. Damn you, Phallus.
ReplyDeleteHow could you not mention, the Foward or any other F(person's name) constructions in the entirety of this post? Fsupinos is uncanny. Forgot he even existed.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame that Ernest never saw the feli/reali postulate
ReplyDeleteChet is officially FOM (Fego Of the Month) for his rendition of N*SYNC's "I Drive Myself Crazy". Now we gotta find some video of Scott singing "Dead or Alive" and see if he stacks up to the sultry sounds of the LNW.
ReplyDelete