Make it Rain

To preface this post, most of it is borderline nsfw and some of it is slightly explicit/offensive.

To start it off...

(The Sleazer reccommends listening while reading)

I gotta give props where they're due, and Ahole - in one of the biggest emo music upsets of the century - introduced me to this fly version of the Fat Joe song. On a similar note...



Look at that man, how can someone with instincts so mischievous look so innocent?



On one glorious spring break of 2007, DuPont was so inspired by the combination of Fat Joe, plenty of liquor and dancing women that he deemed it necessary to stand on our kitchen table, grab a pack of bicycle playing cards and shower what was probably a bunch of zeroes with 52 reminders of his awesomeness. As DuPont grinned, the cards rained down and another spring break legend was born.

"Stupid bitch I'm famous"

I won't pretend that I've ever "made it rain" in any sense; hell, I've never even been to a strip club. Upset special? Nah, but I think I'm due. Despite this, there's no denying the prevalence of strip clubs, strippers, Vegas and their associated stories in my life. Even so, I think what DuPont did was awesome, hilarious and to a point downright badass. Is actually making it rain demeaning to women? Maybe. It's also a strippers job to entertain in exchange for cash, so from my perspective as long as someone isn't grabbing or insulting the girl he can throw his money around as he sees fit.

"Baby I make it flood, now you gon' need a boat"

Which brings us to PacMan Jones


Waa waa waaaaoooow. Bucketfuls of cash. Everyone knows the shooting side of the story, the suspension, the reinstatement, blah blah blah. What Pacman does or doesn't do after this video really doesn't interest me. The fact that he brought 100,000 dollars to a strip club does.

"Got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella"

First of all, if you bring that much money anywhere you are looking for trouble. That aside, the fact that he changes $40,000 into ones is almost beyond belief. To help you conceptualize it, stacked on top of each other it's 14 and a third FEET of cash. Now if I had that many feet of cash, I would bring a ladder to the strip club, stack the cash and make it rain from on high.

"Girl make that bucket a pot of gold"

The very idea that this amount of money is even measurable in feet is absurd in itself. How much of the money did he shower the strippers with? 5K, 10K, 20? Maybe the last naked warrior would like to do an over-under on the amount of cash in one of those buckets and we can calculate from there. I really have no idea where to start. Buckets!!!

As a side note, how does the DJ not have even the slightest sense of timeliness and throw on Fat Joe "Make it Rain" the instant this goes down? I'm sure the song is queued up at some point on the strip club standard playlist, but if there was ever a time for repeat, this is it. "Make it Rain" has to rank up there with Simmons' favorite "Pour Some Sugar on Me" as far as most played strip club songs of the past few years.

Now, the matter of the Nelly sighting. Not only is this the first I've heard of Nelly in a while, but he's following pacman's lead with a stack of 10 Gs in singles. By this point, Pacman realizes he has eaten far too many power pellets and is willing to change out 10,000 of his ones to help out Nelly in his time of need. Clearly Nelly is just living the life nowadays and throwing his money around, and at least he has the sense to shy away from the camera. At worst, he'll be remembered for the best play in the mlb all star game when all is said and done with his career (2:51 mark in the vid if you don't wanna watch geriatric Bob Knight.)

Chappelle's Show
When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong - Vernon Franklin
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

"I got me a designated thrower cause my hand's hurtin'"

In an homage to Chappelle's "When Keepin it Real Goes Wrong", Jermaine "You me and" Dupri gets on the mike and decides that it's unacceptable for the women to bend over and collect their cash, and he then essentially reads the strippers their job description and responsibilities as entertainers. Apparently Pacman agreed and proceeds to go off the deep end.

"Ain't nothin' wrong with wantin' a little happy ending"

In the end we can all be thankful for the portability of camera phones for shedding some light on this ridiculous buildup to an absurd event. It just goes to show you that no matter how off the chain you thought your time was with the girls of glitter gulch, there's always someone doing something crazier.

Make it rain...