I don't think I have a sufficient attention span to write a very focused post today, so you're gonna get some circuitous rambling, and you're going to like it:
I'll say this much, I think that this season was the worst NFL season I've ever been privy to. I'm sure part of it is that I'm a really sore loser, and I can't handle the fact that my MJD/Steven "Pred" Jackson-led Ronald Curry Sauce's and upstart Chubby and the Fat Boy's both ended the season in the fetal position. However, much of my disenchantment with this season stems from my belief that it was defined more by who wasn't playing than the guys that were padding up week-in and week-out.
Think about it, the defining moment of this season was Tom Brady's knee getting shredded like the Asian guy from Saw early in week 1 (PS: Why hasn't anyone ever ID'ed Brady as a proto fetus body? Kid looks like Resnick sans massive amounts of body hair). Similarly, Lightswitch Merriman had like two tackles before shutting it down for the season, and LDT was a candy shell of his former self. I understand that injuries are an inherent reality of the game--when you have people with world class speed and strength colliding every week, shit's bound to pop off. Still, keeping that in mind, I can't remember a season where virtually no production came from the consensus #1 Qb, #1 RB, and a top 10 defensive player (People can say that LDT had an ok season, but I still don't believe that he was value-added above Sproles).
2008/2009 was the "alternative music" of NFL seasons--it wasn't defined by what happened, rather, it was defined by what didn't happen. This wasn't the season that Brady threw for 5500 yards and 60 TD's. This wasn't the season that LDT brought the Kimbo Slice dojo to legitimacy. This wasn't the year that Lightswitch Merriman went all Bas Rutten on Big Ben's already shattered face. Here we are, left in the void of these stars, pondering the probablistic cloud of what this season could have been.
This reminds me a little of Real World: Hollywood. At its outset, it had the makings of being one of the most entertaining seasons of the Real World in recent memory. You had two of the most dynamic characters in Real World history: Joey, the alcoholic, catch phrase spewing manchild doing his best Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde interpretation and Greg, the pompous "chosen one," pissing off everyone in his path. Unfortunately, a confluence of circumstances led to both of these dodes leaving the show prematurely, and leaving us to watch a bunch of zero personalities for the balance of the episodes. I'll wonder for the rest of my life what would have happened had Greg and Joey stayed on. In this alternate world, would Greg punch Dave in the gut so hard that his innards spill out like so many punching bags? Probably. I'm sorry we never got the chance to see. Greg and Joey, we hardly knew ye.
Fortunately, the new season of the Real World looks like it can stand on the pumpkin shoulders of these titans.
*Spoiler Alert*
I'll preface any analysis of the Brooklyn season by saying that this is probably the most physically limited cast since RW: Hawaii. Well...let me amend that statement. It seems as though all the physical potential of this cast has been amassed in the rock hard abs of Scott, the Ken-Doll stud muffin (Also the resident expert on "Look at my pubes"). Outside of Scott, the lone hottie is Baya, the hip-hop influenced ilk of Bug Bugden. The rest of the cast is pretty average.
Oh wait, I forgot, there's a tranny on this year, Katelynn. She seems to be pretty interesting and fairly well spoken, but the only thing I can really consider at this point is how hilarious her entrance into the RW house must have been, with everyone thinking in the back of their head, "That's a fucking DUDE."
I really enjoyed the season premiere. It seems like they've taken their foot off the "let's get pretty people as much White Zinfindel/Coke as possible and see what happens" pedal.
It's a sad realization that we probably won't see any "Ooopppsss" caliber moments this season, but what they lack in explosiveness, the Brooklynites make up in actual personality. There was even a pretty coherent discussion of the realities of war with the Michael Cera wannabe, Ryan. What I'm saying is that there's a possiblity that the show's going to return to its roots, as a magnifying glass to the pertinent issues of our times. This could be the defining moment for the Obama generation.
Ah, who am I kidding, I just want to see the tranny try to give Ryan head while he's working on the striations in his ass. There's a glimmer of hope.
The same can't be said for the NFL. There's a distinct possibility that we'll see the shartiest Super Bowl since Ravens/Giants in 2001 (Though at least it gave us probably one of the top 10 hottest moments of Britney Spears' career)
That tube sock gets me every single time.
I don't even really want to discuss the playoffs, cuz I don't think it's worth the effort. The lone upshot is that we're probably going to be able to see Larry Fitzgerald show us how much of an ATLien he is on sports' biggest stage. A primer:
If you guys need me on Sunday, I'll be doing something more worthwhile than watching a 4 and a 6 seed battle it out...like look for a Kelly Anne on "Freaks of Cock" gallery.
PS: I couldn't think of a smooth way to incorporate this video, but I think it's worth a look cuz of the blending of preternatural athletic talent with fego music:
Sunday, January 11, 2009
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I think you can sum up how dumb this NFL season was by the fact that I actually won a fantasy league that wasn't comprised of my immediate family members (those don't count)
ReplyDeleteRemember when I told you to put that Gatorade away and you spat it all over Resnick's back seat? There is videographic proof.
ReplyDeleteQuit fishing for complements mouse, you had a good team, paid attention and won. I think this season was as entertaining as any other. When it comes down to it, I don't care what the national media is saying. The NFC east was entertaining all year, the upstart Miami dolphins with the vengeance of Chad Pennington had my interest all season. Even the mediocrity of the NFC west I think was entertaining since it was a good litmus test of other teams to see if they were legit. Just because the cowboys struggled this year, doesn't mean it's any worse Howard. I think there has to be a question if LT was ever that much value added over Turner or Sproles considering how both performed this year. It comes down to opportunity, and they didn't have it until this year despite only showing good things year to year. And you're not even gonna mention Manning's injury??
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