Get this man an Oak!

One of the things that makes Blake Griffin's potential for greatness so promising is his willingness to just Diggler his body around with no regard for human life (and that he is, in fact, already great). He may be enough of an ATLien to do this for 10-15 years, but at the very least we know he could add miles to his career if teams weren't intentionally ramjamming him as their last ditch effort to slow the beast. Griffin's mom was recently distraught over the fact that Brendan Haywood blatantly took her youngest son out to suppress his Digglerian nature. Other than Stern making Goodell-like rule changes, the best solution I can surmise is that Blake needs an Oak.

Before I try to go all trade Van Gogh and figure out how the Clips can acquire a player with the Shaft-like qualities Oakley possesses, I have a much simpler solution. Taylor Griffin.

Ok so I just looked up Oak and both Griffins' stats from college. Oak as a senior had more ppg and rpg than Blake in his second and final year at OU, Blake's freshman year beats none of Oak's collegiate seasons, and our boy Taylor may as well have been in club trillion by comparison. But, really, that is neither here nor there. Taylor just needs to learn his defensive rotations, do work on the boards on both ends, and do work as Blake's enforcer. That last one should be the easiest to achieve as it is surely his nature to protect his little bro. I know if I was going to commit a grievous act against the most explosive athlete in the NBA I wouldn't want to worry about the wrath of his 6'7 240 pound older brother.

My critics might be thinking to themselves "well the Clippers can't just sign Taylor Griffin straight from Belgium and put him in anything other than garbage time, so what's the point? That Fegonomist is such a crackpot. I'm going to tell him his hair isn't luxurious even though I know it really is." The first point is fair, the second doesn't really make sense, and the third is predictable hate that can be disregarded. I have no rebuttal for point one, but I have an alternate solution. The Bakersfield Jam. The Clippers' D-League affiliate needs to reach out to Oakley to teach Taylor Griffin the swag and skills necessary to become Blake's enforcer. I know Oakley will accept. Like Snoop Dogg's pimp mentor in Bossn' Up, Oakley will feel the desire to nurture a protege for the sake of the Game. Also, he totally has a ton of free time, always partying in Vegas stealing other dudes' women with (or without) MJ. I know he has followed the path of being a post League entrepreneur, but his car wash can remain afloat without him for a few months.

Once Oak is aboard the train to Bakersfield, the Clippers need to sign Taylor to the Jam and let Oak wax on wax off Taylor until he is ready for the Show. When the new TG hits the League, Blake Griffin will no longer have to look over his shoulder for that next flagrant 1 and can focus solely on Digglering his way into the annals of NBA history.