He's Baaaaaaack

My Vegas Opus is a work in progress, but while I crunch the numbers on my Fegonomic analysis of our trip, I figured I'd get my prose back out into cyberspace with a running monologue while I watch this week's episode of the "Real World."

Scene 1

- Ah yes, there's always that one episode of every season that begins with a "State of the Messiness" montage of the house. This year the 3.5 women of the house seem to be the lazy culprits. A bit surprising, but I've never lived with females before and have seen some messy ass rooms in my day so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised.


- Wow, it's early on and now we already have our Magnavox "Moment that Makes Me Glad I Have a DVR"
JD is making some sort of chore flyer so that the chores of the house can be equitably divided. It reads:

"BROOKLYN ROOMIES

SOME TIME TODAY (SATURDAY) OR SUNDAY IF YOU CAN PICK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING CHORES AROUIND THE HOUSE THAT WAY IT IS A CALABRIATED EFFORT INTO MAKING OUR PIER 41 HOUSE CLEAN, NO CHORES WILL BE ASSIGNED TO ANYONE IN THE HOUSE NOTHING WILL BE ASSIGNED TO" and it stops there.

Now, I realize he hasn't proofread it or completed it and I'm no Bill Shakespeare, but this is the man who a mere episode or two ago was lauding his college education and denigrating Devin for dropping out. I'm not by any means interested in defending Devin's intelligence or honor, but "calabriated?" What were you even trying to say? Collaborative? That can't even be defensible as a typo, you just flat out don't know what you're saying. Let's just say if Dan from Miami is the Michael Jordan of intelligent gay men on the "Real World" and we're looking for his successor, JD is more Harold Miner than Dwyane Wade.

- JD is super excited about his cool gimmick. It's so cool and easy! The coolest way to do it! Cool! Baya isn't buying what he's selling. She says she "loves it" and then proceeds to trash it in the confessional booth. Bitch.

- Hearing Katelynn using words like "subscribe," "phenomenon," and "practicality" to try to sound like an intellectual makes me cringe more than I would imagine seeing "her" genitals would. Ok maybe not, but still it makes me uncomfortable.

Scene 2

- Supermarket webisodes...oh graaayyyt.

- Not surprisingly, Chet gets them fired for his obsession with "Just the tip."

Since this is the first time I've written about this iteration of America's favorite reality show, I'd like to take a moment to expound on Chet. The guy is all over the map. First impression, I actually felt bad for the guy. His Mormon upbringing had him snuggled up in the back corner of a Mariah Carey sized closet. (Come on, I know you've all seen that cribs. Bitch wouldn't show us that piano!) Butters and I would sit and watch the first few episodes and extract the lion's share of our enjoyment from Chet's ambiguously (guyliner to attract chicks) or unambiguously (the song - clip not available) gay moments. He was simultaneously infuriating because of his immature ignorance and his insistence on getting involved in other people's business. Also, his game with Scott's friend was a "first episode of the pick up artist" level attrocity.

Then, he was pretty decent with his interviews of Rete Rentz and some other band. Respect. Then, he tried to get tickets to TRL - his stated dream job was to host the (canceled) MTV late 90s early 00s staple. Moronic. Really, Chet? That's your dream job and you didn't know it was canceled? I hope the Grundle Bug is right and this is all an act. Otherwise, I'll chalk this idiocy up to your Mormon-ness. Really, nothing would surprise me at this point. Chet's in the laid off man's (too soon?) "Tyson Zone".

- JD and the ugly short-haired one (Ed. Note: Sarah) fight. Yawn.

Scene 3

- Ryan's going to film school to become "the next Spielberg." Color me skeptical. I'll give it to him though, he's putting himself out there with the music, his book, and now the film. Getcha artsy on.

- A key piece of evidence in the Chet: Undercover Fego investigation. He laughs after he claims to not be surprised that he was chosen to have a more demanding role in Ryan's 30 second film. So he is capable of facetious fegocity. Noted.

- Here, in its entirety, is everything going through aspiring actor Scott's head as this short film was...filmed: "



"
Glad we could get that inside peak.

Scene 4

- JD's chore plan is kind of lame, but these girls refusing to attend a meeting about it is just petty. I don't really like anyone in the house all that much at this point.

Ok, at this point my DVR decided to delete footage as I watched so I only have a random smattering of thoughts for the rest of the episode.

- Scott finally brings something to the table and hides the car keys. Bitches deserve it.

- This week's "Joke of the Week Made by a Tranny" sponsored by Right Guard is (paraphrased) "They are trying to bate me into this argument. They are really good at it. They are 'master baters.'" Well played, Katelynn.

- Oh here comes a house argument. I bet this is when JD smashes the table. You know, from the clip they've been showing since the preview show.

- Yep, smashed.

- Everything's cool again. Of course that means we get the gratuitous "Scott working out" scene. I wonder if these core exercises he does improves agility.

- JD once again calls the house a "family." I don't have the credentials to begin psychoanalyzing this.

- Katelynn, you are not a luxury cruise liner.