The Experiment

I've been thinking about health a lot at work. I'm constantly getting emails dismissing the quote "A real man doesn't care about his health" a sentiment completely expressed by this man and Ralphie May's girth. My company will do anything to push their fitness rank to the top of the corporate ladder including contests with prizes varying from an hour of personal attention with a young flexible yoga instructor to a free turkey for working out the most in a given week. While I don't wish to bemoan these "exercises" of persuasion and commendation, I view them as hollow and temporary. In order to maintain a level of fitness a person must have a desire that extends beyond something that parallels a Shaw's Card reward system. Since I'm a young guy, I'm not looking to avoid high cholesterol, diabetes, and all those nasty cardiac diseases that have become a physician's best friend. I need a motivation that runs deeper than the veins in a Dwight Howard bicep. I want to take an analytical approach to shaping my body that doesn't include counting calories and inch reduction, but instead emphasizes speed, agility, power, and athleticism. I want to be driven by the science of the body and search for my own Carnot efficiency, my greatest physical limit. Everyday I watch sports and marvel at the grace of people who dedicate their lives to getting striations in their asses and upping their verts to 40"and I want a taste of that. That's why these next 30 days of my life will be known as "The Experiment." Much like the actors in the 300 I want to pull a Rick Ross and push it to the limit and see what I am capable of. Unlike them, my diet won't be on complete Kate Hudson mode, but I will be abstaining from alcohol and real shitty food. Again this is not to get thinner or improve my health, but only to see how much I can athletically evolve in the matter of a month. I don't plan on using the blog as a health journal, but I will produce a complete project wrap-up when The Experiment has ended. It's combine time baby.

I Can't Appropriately Comment on This

This is more Zap's cup o tea. Most striking to me was that his "trainer" sounded like a mix between Sigfried, Roy, and Diggler. And that none of his physical feats really wowed me much. They should have had him bench pressing a moose or something.

http://hardwoodparoxysm.blogspot.com/2008/10/sweatin-to-oldies-with-starbury.html

Christian who?

Since I've been wallowing in utter gluttony and boredom as of late, I've probably checked my fantasy team 20 times in the last 5 minutes, just looking to see if anyone drops Mewelde Moore for the bye week. I also came across this quiz site, where you can size up your Dream Team knowledge, decipher which Tom Hanks movie won the 94 Picture of the Year Award, or finally decide if you really were the Nintendo Super Genesis freak.

http://www.mentalfloss.com/quiz/quiz.php?q=287&p=1

I only got eight, but that's because no one remembers the white guys. Hint: you can type in last names and it recognizes it.

Tonight on Sick Sad World

Normally I don't like to get political because, well, there are a lot of people who know a whole lot more than I do about such things. But look at the following comment on this article: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/10/01/asked_about_court_rulings_pali.html?hpid=topnews

All of you east coaster elites are just jealous that she's really smart and took
on the establishment like the MAVRICK that she is.
Your scared is what it
is.
She's awesome and super likeable and I absolutely could see HAVING A BEER
with her. What am I going to have with Obama -- sushee?? Give me a
break.
Sarah reminds me of my Aunt Lou, who i totally identify with, a hard
wokin, no nonsense momma of 7 who "just gits er done!" without a lot of fancy
talk. And she puts her country first people, she's not just out to get elected.
She wants to "shake things up" in Washington.
Experience is overrated. I'd
rather have a Joe 6 Packer with good morals in high office than somebody who's
been old and moldy in Washington far way too long.
I think it will be fun
havin her in office, shakin things up, and gettin all the old boy network guys
off their high horses.
Look out cuz a couple of country first mavricks are
comin to town!!!!
And yeah it dont hurt that she's not too hard on the
eyes!!!!! but thats just a bonus on all of her executive experience for how she
has expertly run Wasilla and the state of Alaska.
Bottom line, she's my
girl.
Posted by: markthefig October 2, 2008 3:04 AM Report
abuse

Ms. Keys is growing on me

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GOL

Jean Carlos Chera, eat your heart out, son.

The Cat in the Hat is back.

Body Movin'

Good hip-hop albums take a long time to produce. This could be a function of the intricacy of the lyrics which have been equated to developing organic chemistries (cuz I've been in the lab with a pen and a pad) and saving human lives (Lil Wayne's Dr. Carter). It could be that there is a behind the scenes legal battle that prevents certain songs from being sampled (unlikely, considering girltalk makes a killing doing this). I think this hip-hop hiatus between albums serves as a platform for building desire within the fan base. Once there is an insatiable urge to hear the musings of a lyrical savant, the album is introduced and thrust forth into the platinum pantheon. The godfather of this art is Dr. Dre. I've always respected him for the one album he puts out every 7-8 years (overlooking the Aftermath tragedy) and the way he is hailed as a blunt smoking mogul. Well it's been about 9 years since his album 2001 dropped and the Dr. is ready to prescribe his next great anecdote so appropriately named Detox. His Interscope pal and protege, Eminem, is also unveiling his newest project, King Mathers, this fall.

The most juxtaposed pairing in hip-hop history (black dude from Compton, white guy from Detroit) has found itself at the very antipodes of the anatomical world during the time between albums. Dre has always been known as the producing genius with flaccid arms and a penchant for the carnival like baseline and Eminem has been the archetype of a "hard" problem child who's more concerned with degrading his oft-abused girlfriend than providing for his bastard child. I hated Eminem so vehemently in the 7th grade that I convinced myself that I could actually beat him up after one of my female classmates commented on the "girth" of my biceps. Now the only time I think about girth and Eminem in the same thought is when I'm going face first into a bowl of Arby's curly fries. That's right, the fetal twat with impeccable enunciation is a grade A porker. I haven't seen jowls like that since Goldberg got his wisdom teeth out. He's gonna have to call his tour Marshall Fatters Worldwide. Dre has also seen a change in his physique, and is looking a lot more like the other Goldberg than a wet noodle. His new album would be more aptly named Negrodonnis or Anabolic Cannabis. At least these rappers chose the fate of their bodies. Get better regulator.

In other hip hop news R. Kelly has cemented himself as the CROAT (creepiest rapper of all time) after an interview with BET. Unfortunately, the interview has been removed from Youtube but the gist of it was:

Interviewer "Do you like teenage girls?"
R. Kelly: "How old are we talking. 19, I have a lot of 19 year old friends yea. I don't like nothing under 19, nothing illegal."

Funkmaster flex ain't too happy about it.

I think I've been underrating T.I. as a rapper and an entertainer. This is mostly because he looked like a prepubescent version of Master Splinter at spring fling a few years ago and I got stomped out by the crowd around the stage during his performance. This week he made a cameo on Entourage as one of Ari's clients, but it's this guilty pleasure of mine that is really making me rethink T.I. Admit it, you like it. And if you don't then at least appreciate how he out raps Kanye, Lil Wayne, and Hova on their new hit swagger like us.